In the last couple of months, I’ve been obsessed with self-improvement. I listen to a lot of podcasts and read books about this topic because I’ve always been a person who likes to reflect on behavior.

There is so much content out there that you can go crazy. I notice this when talking to my friends. They all have their own philosophy on how they need to improve their lives or relationships. We all want to improve in some way, but often we fail or disappoint ourselves when we don’t. You know, when you want to wake up early to exercise or eat a healthy meal, and you don’t. Guilt all over the place…

And the more content I consumed, the more I started wondering whether I was actually growing or just constantly looking for something to fix.

I’ve been torn recently between the idea of self-improvement and radical self-acceptance. On the one hand, yes, I want to become a better person. I want to have better relationships, be successful with my business, improve my health, and grow. I know this all has to do with me how I show up in the world and the decisions I make on a daily basis. On the other hand, I also want to accept myself and not become somebody I am not… Somebody society tells me to be.

This tension also shows up in my journal. I often analyze my behavior and decisions, but it usually ends with: I should do this, I shouldn’t eat that, I need to say this, etc. I have become a project. A sculpture that needs to be formed out of an ordinary rock.

Why is the ordinary rock not enough? Why do we have to constantly improve and change ourselves?

Of course, we all want to evolve and find ways to live better as human beings. But at what point does growth turn into the constant belief that we are not enough?

The self-improvement community has become a jungle where only the fittest, smartest, best-informed, spiritually grounded, evolved, and enlightened will survive. You see all those coaches and self-help gurus saying that you need to wake up at 4 a.m., meditate, exercise, read, run a marathon, make hard decisions, and build your own business to be “successful.”

Relationships come with their own instructions: Don’t date this person, say this, don’t do that. Narcissist, avoidant, green flag, red flag… Aaarrgg… There is so much information out there, I could go crazy.

I felt like I was being pulled in different directions. Then I read one sentence by Joe Hudson that made something click:

“The shift isn’t from bad to better — it’s from self-improvement to self-discovery.”

It makes total sense to me because the focus is not on “fixing yourself.” You are not a problem that needs to be solved. The focus is on finding your own path by being more curious and present and not letting yourself be led by fear. Just like a baby learning to walk.

A baby does not need a five-step tutorial or a perfect routine to learn how to walk. Through curiosity, instinct, and trial and error, it eventually gets up and starts moving… intuitively.

Growth is already within us. The more we live with curiosity and presence instead of fear, the more naturally we evolve.