I was thinking about gratitude the other day. About how I could be more thankful for what I have. And honestly… I couldn’t really get my head around it. Something about the way we talk about gratitude never fully resonated with me until I realized what felt off…

Do you know that feeling when you’re sad because something didn’t work out? When you didn’t get what you hoped for or when life just feels heavy for no specific reason? You talk to friends or family, and they go:

“You should be grateful for what you have. Others have it worse. At least you’re healthy.” 

And you think, yes you are right. I should be more grateful. So I did this and tried to focus on the positive things in my life. I tried to “be grateful”. But somehow, it felt wrong and forced. Almost like I was suppressing what I was actually feeling…

It took me a while to understand why. What I was doing wasn’t really gratitude. It was comparison and toxic positivity. I was telling myself: Be grateful because others have less. Be grateful because someone somewhere is suffering more. Be grateful because at least you’re not in that situation.

If my gratitude depends on someone else having less than me, then it’s not really gratitude — it’s hierarchy. It’s placing myself above something or someone in order to feel better. Of course, consciously I didn’t think it like that. But unconsciously, I think I was… And that’s probably why gratitude always felt like something I had to force. It felt like I was using it as a tool to override my negative feelings. To escape discomfort…

That got me thinking: Is gratitude really about putting life on a scale? Good vs bad, better vs worse, lucky vs unlucky? 

It can´t be. So, I looked up the definition of gratitude online and got this: “Gratitude is the expression of appreciation and thankfulness for what one has, recognizing the value of positive outcomes and acknowledging that their source often lies outside oneself…”

But this did not satisfy me completely. It still felt like a comparison because “positive” outcomes are again a personal comparison of how life should be and how life really is…If I break my leg, should I be thankful that I at least have a leg? Well, maybe…

The other day I visited a friend who has two young daughters. The older one is five and full of energy. I watched her play outside on a rainy day and noticed how joyful she was playing with whatever she found. Whether it was a puppet, a stick on the street, a random piece of clothing, it didn’t matter. Everything was fascinating and a reason to feel joy. Then it clicked for me…

She wasn’t thinking, “This is a good stick” or “I wish I had a better toy.” She was simply immersed in the experience. She was curious, open and more so she was present.

As children, we don’t compare constantly. We explore. We observe. We’re in awe of things adults don’t even notice. It is with the years that we start to label things and tell ourselves what is good and what is bad…we “unlearn” to really be grateful because we are in constant comparison with how life should be and how life shouldn’t be. No wonder we are never satisfied with what we have.  

But what if gratitude is simply the quiet appreciation of what is without judgement or comparison. Just noticing and living in the present moment. This feels less like a moral obligation and more like curiosity. A soft awareness. A willingness to look at life without immediately judging it.

When you start observing life like that — your morning coffee, the cold air on your face, the sound of someone laughing, even a rainy day — everything, even the most mundane things in life, feels like a miracle.

There’s no hierarchy, no scale and no “good” or “bad”. It is just presence. And maybe that’s what real gratitude is:

Opening your heart to this exact moment — as it is.

And letting that be enough.